Just say NO to cohabitation.

So one of my nearest and dearest BFF's and her live in B/F (that I introduced her to) are having some sort of non-break up break up. Who knows how this will go? I mean really. She's upset, her kids are upset, blah blah blah.
So I get to thinking. Listening her talk about how much she trusted, cared about him, loved him, etc. You know ladies...WE'VE all been THERE huh? I mean, they were together for 2 years.
So I'm thinking about it. And I'm thinking that my poor friend has made a classic mistake (just say NO to co-habitation). That mistake being....she needed this clown.
As SOON as they met he moved her right in. I mean, like RIGHT IN. I tried to tell the girl. She wouldn't listen.
She's blond by the way.
SO....now they are most likely parting ways. She was blindsided of course (oh, you charming men) because she had absolutely no idea anything was wrong.
So anyway, here she is, her heart in pieces. She's upset, has to move, and has her kids to think about too. Not to mention her pets. (and of course being the kick ass friend I am I offered to keep one of her pets here and let her and her kids stay...duh) So anyway...
So it reminded me of my list. Those of you who have been here long enough know alll about the Beavs list.
And number 1 rule.....

#1. Just say NO to co-habitation.
As soon as you move in with a man or he with you, they will suddenly forget that all the things they had to do to GET you, are the things they NEED to do to KEEP you. I.E. Giving you a tshirt that smells like him.

See, you fool men like to do all kinds of sweet things to get a girl, but once her ass NEEDS and wants you you turn into total asshats. I. E. Forgetting your girls birthday or not making it awesome.

Moving on....ya see, where my friend fouled up is..she moved IN. NO. NO. NO.
NO. Learn it. Live it. I sh*t you not.

In order for you to follow my instructions precisely (and I DO mean precisely) we must define co-habitation.

Co-Habitation: The act of one person dragging all their sh*t to another persons home. The act of said person paying bills at said home. The act of said person telling you what to do.
All these things define co-habitating.

NOT co-habitating:
Having a toothbrush at anothers house....hey we all have morning breath.
Having a change of clothes at anothers home....cuz hell, unless you live in a convent you're gonna need them SOMEtime.
Sleeping over as often as the home owner/renter desires. This is up to the individual and whether or not you have kids. If ya have kids it's a GREAT idea to not introduce them to your guy over Cheerios. May want to think about keeping them seperated...just sayin. If ya wanna hose your guy every night for a month, that's on you. But NEVER suggest they go get their sh*t or pay the cable bill. And the VERY SECOND your guy decides to do ANY of the following it's time to send his ass home for a minute.....or forever.
1. Farts in your bed
2. Takes your remote and changes the channel to football (football is best watched among men don't ya think?)
3.Is mean to you in any way, shape, or form. This includes making you cry. (this is automatic grounds for dismissal - ZERO TOLERANCE GIRLS!)



If any of those things happen you must act immediately to avoid a co-habitation situation. Or a "co-habuation" as we beavers like to call them.
First, you need to make sure he has left nothing behind but the toothbrush (that's more for your benefit than theirs anywayz) and then you tell him you've got a busy week ahead and maybe you'll see him next weekend.

It's that simple. I keep telling my friends, they won't listen. They NEVER listen. And they should cuz I'm kinda smart. I have learned from MY mistakes (finally) believe you me. I know what the deal is with this sh*t dammit.
SO...the moral of THIS story is: #1. JUST SAY NO TO CO-HABITATION. I mean it ladies, it can only cause you heartache. Really. Not saying we won't revisit this in further lessons but for now, JUST SAY NO. NO NO NO.