Lesson number 2:BEWARE OF FALSE ADVERTISING

Yes, that's right, I said it. Be-freakin-ware. In order to properly guide you through todays lesson we must define "false advertising" or in laymen terms, "The Jekyll/Hyde syndrome"...and who care's if I spelled that wrong anyway? You know what I mean.

False Advertising/J.H. Syndrome is defined as follows:
Pretending to be someone they are not for an indefinite amount of time. (Beaver science has shown that this usually ends when you co-habitate)


I.E.....
When your new guy in the BEGINNING of your relationship is as sweet as pie. Just adorable. Says ALL the right things, DOES all the right things. LOVES spending time with you, texts you cute little notes during the day...etc. And if you have kids they may even offer to help coach little league...and if they're REALLY REALLY EFFING GOOD they might even come WATCH the games. Pr*ck bast@rds.
NOW...this usual STOPS immediately the minute you start throwing around the "L" word or move your sh*t in or say "I do". Trust me ladies...all that cute & adorable sh*t....will DIS-A-F*KING-PPEAR.
After a few years those cute Little League games? He's hung over in your bed and you get to ENJOY getting up EVERY Saturday at 7 and coaching that sh*t ALONE....they ain't showing up....they are HUNGOVER...Duh. But by god they will be there on effing picture day! OH. HELL. YES.
Those cute little texts during the day asking how your day is going? Say bye bye to THOSE. THOSE notes quickly become..."I need some cigarettes" or "Did you pay the f*cking cable bill?" Those times you spent curled up together on the couch watching a movie? Those are going to be replaced by a burping jerk drinking beer on your couch watching the football game. And your lovely children you thought he adored? Nope, no he doesn't. Now they drive him nuts and suddenly they become the reason your man drinks an entire twelve pack before bed every night.
And all the sweet things they did that made you like them in the first place are now gone forever. SO I'm just saying....the person you THINK you're dating just might not end up being the person you KEEP dating.

So...that being said...don't say I didn't warn you.

Now to avoid this situation you must do 2 key things.
1. You CANNOT, MUST NOT, WILL NOT, co-habitate...when in doubt you must force yourself to think of just how much you're gonna love your Snuggle Bear when he stops trying to impress you and dinner out is ordering pizza and eating it while watching him watch football and spilling beer on your carpet.....see? Co-habitating is not so appealing NOW is it?
2. Do NOT make the classic mistake of letting him off the hook when that damn Jekyll rears his ugly head. Call his ass out and let it be know that YOU WILL NOT HAVE IT. You let him know that it only takes two seconds to delete his ass from your contact list and you're done, done, and on to the next one. And remember, it's only that easy because as we learned in part 1....the only thing they have left at your place is a 99 cent toothbrush.

The moral today ladies.....When they stop being sweet (I'm a BIG fan of sweet lemme tell ya) and they stop being nice (also happen to be a big fan of nice) and they stop holding your hand, massaging your back, kissing you on the forehead, playing with your hair (my favorite thing in the world), texting you notes just because, and when you no longer have the desire to touch them just because they walked in the room......IT'S OVER. Time to move on. When they no longer take the time to make you feel like you are everything to them....become no one to them.

Again....done, done, and I'm on to the next one. And with that we shall end Part 2 of this series.

Oh, and I feel like I should mention....there ARE some exceptions to these rules. Like, maybe 1 in 100 men won't apply to these lessons. But I'm pretty damn sure it's sure thing you're gonna run across one of these tools in your lifetime. I've had 3.....so there ya go. Chances are good I'd say.